The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
