i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
