Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
