TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
