go do what you do best...puke behind churches
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
