Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we're making bets on your personal life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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