Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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