grandma shit on top of the toilet
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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