I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Pooping to opera.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
