I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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