I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
