Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
