i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
we're so committed to being not committed
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
