I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
