dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
