why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
