so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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