I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
