I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
