dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
