I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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