when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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