It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
