the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
