Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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