He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
