An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
