did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
