Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
