you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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