today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
