Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
