my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
