i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
