he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
