their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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