if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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