woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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