yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
