Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
