i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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