its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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