her vagine was all disorganized.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
