I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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