I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
