I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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