the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
