dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
