how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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