hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
