I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
