When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
