I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
